If you're feeling...
Envelope 1: If you're feeling DISCOURAGED ... read this.
- Ich liebe dich!
Envelope 2: If you're feeling STUPID ... read this.
- Call me and tell me what you did! Love you! Remember: Nothing you do could possibly be as stupid as the time I pin locke my cellphone twice in an hour. NOTHING. You are way smarter than you give yourself credit for. If you made a dumb decision, that's ok too, cause everybody makes misktakes. I've already forgiven you and you haven't even done anything stupid yet!
Envelope 3: If you're feeling SICK ... read this.
- Aaaachooo! Get better soon my schatzie watziel. Eat some chicken soup, drink lots of liquids and get lots of sleep. I wish I was there so you kiss me and we would be sick in bed together. Being sick is ok if I can be it with you! xoxo Love you!
Envelope 4: If you're feeling HATEFUL ... read this.
- Call me so we can bitch about stuff together! Baby-waby, I know the world is a stupid, unfair place and I hate it too. If you need to hate it for a while, go ahead. I will be there to love you and make it better when you are done. I love you! xoxox p.s. I hate the world too.
Envelope 5: If you're feeling GASSY ... read this.
- It's a PUSSYFART! Hey Babe, lay on your back and pat your tummy. Put a KôrnerLissen on it. Sit on the toilet for a while. Jump up and down. ... And when you fart, think of us and laugh. I love you! All of you even your farts!
Envelope 6: If you're feeling LIKE GIVING UP ... read this.
- I love you! Push yourself baby. You can do it! I know giving up seems the easiest but if you give up you will never be truly happy. I want to be truly happy together someday, but we've got to fight for it. Come on babe, I believe in you and in us. Call me and I'll tell you that you can make it! xoxo
Envelope 7: If you're feeling WORRIED ... read this.
- Call me to talk! Miss you! Hi baby! If you're worried about anything at all, talk to someone about it. Tell your mom and day they are there to help you when you need it. Call me and tell me what's worrying you. I can't promise I can make the worry go away. (I am the queen of worry after all), but it's good to talk about it. I love you and I'm always always here for you.
Envelope 8: If you're feeling TEMPTED by another ... read this.
- I still love you! DO NOT call me to tell me you're tempted. I do not want to know about it. Step 1: Send me their name, address and work schedule so I can fly over there and teach them a lesson or two. Step 2: Look at the naked pictures of me and remember that the sweetest and sexiest girl on the planet only has eyes for you. Step 3: If step 2 fails tell me quickly and try to make it painless.
Envelope 9: If you're feeling HUNGOVER ... read this.
- Step 1: Stay in bed for a bit.
- Step 2: Get yourself lots of water and drink it.
- Step 3: Go back to sleep.
- Step 4: Get up and drink more water.
- Step 5: Go back to sleep.
- Step 6: Call me and tell me about your night!!
Envelope 10: If you're feeling BORED ... read this.
- I love you! Write me a looong silly nonsense letter, then go to the basement and work on a project. Then go upstairs and look at the naked pictures of me and masturbate. Then call me and tell me about your exciting day. xoxo