1, 2, 3, 4

1, 2, 3, 4

i search through seas of bright blue sequins and a perfectly timed dance number to find you

you tried to remember the steps in my kitchen as i poured us wine
the song played and you tapped around in your bare feet

you told me you were a dancer in her music videos. surprised i didn't already know
i tried to seem very nonchalant 
very whatever
very la la la about the whole thing

but then when you left my house
nineteen hours after the wine
and a ninety nine conversations and moments later
i opened my computer
on the futon by the plants 
and played the video three times in a row
so i could catch a glimpse of you
in your life
your other life. where you are a public figure
instead of being my private you...

there you were. 
1, 2, 3, 4
draped in red and smiling
a smile that has become as familiar to me as my own hands
a grammy award winning smile
i know you say the grammy's don't mean anything...but they made a smart choice

for that moment of you tapping around the kitchen
i felt so simple
so profoundly me. unimportant and small-shot me

but i know, that's the me that you love. 
outside of fame and big credits
my success or yours
we remain two idiot fools cuddling and chatting our days away
i wonder how long it will last before fame temps
before outside motivation steps in 
before a she more precious then me comes along

and takes all my insides away....


Your Jokes Slide Inside

Your Jokes Slide Inside

Pretend it’s two years ago and we’ll go through this once more. You had apple-y cheeks and you were so funny I melted. When you made fun of me I wanted you. When you wanted me I had sex with other people. Pretend it’s two years ago. I got this. 

I’m taking stock and so far you’ve told me I look like:

Juliette Lewis
An extra on Modern Family
Angie Harmon
Kyra Sedgwick
Jenny Slate
Lana Del Rey

Pretend our chemistry is some electrical work and devote yourself. Do you hear how deep I breathe when I get your texts? You’re so funny your jokes slide inside me and I giggle and bubble and breathe and I burst. Did you hear how dirty that “lol” was?

Once you dreamt I was stranded on an island with hungry cannibals. When I called you, you told me to leave the island. But I refused so you had to come get me. “I don’t know why you were so hell-bent on staying”. When you came to get me I still refused to leave. I refused and refused until you were chased by cannibals.

I read in a dream dictionary that cannibalism symbolizes forbidden desire.

When I asked you to marry me I was serious. I’d like to be your bride. I’ll probably buy a flower crown from Stone Fox Bridal and we’ll get you orange cords and we'll dress from the 70's. Pretend I didn’t move to this coast and pretend you aren’t planning your life with her and plan your life with me.

We're good friends. I like to think we're like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. We'll always be in each other's lives even when there are other lovers.