Hitch a Trailer

I miss you, small town boys. I miss your slang and your clannishness, your buddy jokes and the mild xenophobia that results from your overdeveloped sense of belonging.

I miss the ritual of you, your quietness before my beauty, your calloused hands on my shoulders, the thickness of your arms around me.

I miss your dust and boot leather, your thick canvas and industrial fasteners, the smell of the beer store and the clink of the bottles, your trucks that smell like hay bales, your collars that smell exactly like men.

I miss how bewildered and newborn you look in a suit and a haircut. I miss your rough chins. I miss your casual speech, your muttered humor, and how you never know quite what to make of me.

I miss being a spectacle to you, being with you and apart from you at once. My vocabulary, my obscure music, my overdeveloped sense of irony - whole big chunks of me vanish around you small town boys.

I miss the confident way you swing open gates, carry large pieces of wood, hitch a trailer, pop open the hood for a look.

And when you pull up the long lane home and swing your boots down to the dusty gravel, I am jealous of the big dog who ambles up to you, the big dog you touch like an old friend.

I smell the shirt

> Date: Sat, 30 Nov 2002 00:03:19 -0400
> From: XXX
> To: XXX

> Subject: I can't wait to Njoy you in person.

To my one and only. To my dove, my love. You are my sunshine my only sun shine you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sun shine away.

>I love you with all of my heart. When we have bumps like we're having right now, I feel alone and scared. Last night, when I got off the phone with you, my heart was crying and my soul was hurting. I needed nothing more then a simple kiss, but when I looked over to your side of the bed, all I could see was an empty space.. a void. I reached over hoping it was a bad dream, but all I felt was my cold sheets on my fingers tips.

My heart yearns for you every day, and the only way it prevents it self from completely collapsing is the the anticipation of the next moment, the next breath, when I will be with you again. For you are my angel, my goddess. You do not realize it, and some times brush off things I may say about you, but I mean every word. Your beauty to me is infinite, inside and out. Your love is forever warming and makes me feel as if I were the luckiest guy in the world.

//---- My mom just called me, so it will take me a second to get back to my feelings, I don't know... I think moms some how, subliminally, make their sons not think of loving girls and they totally ruin the mood---\\

Anyway, I just want to get through these next couple weeks, because I am looking forward to this break more then you know!!! I'm so excited,, ooooh weeee, and I just can't hide it!!!! I'm about to lose control.....

I know that the near future will difficult and maybe even harder then hard times in the past, but this is only because we have grown to love each other so much, that we have certain needs and expectations, and when those needs and expectations are not met we are left unsatisfied. We must realize the real reasons for any hard times we experience and know that there is no problem with our relationship or our love. I want us to talk about any problems, though. tell each other when we want more, because to leave it, to try to ignore it, will only dig us deeper.

I love to love you. Please love to love me. and when you hear my voice, you should always be smiling.

Love me tender, love me true,

XXX

p.s. A little secret... every morning when I wake up, and before I get dressed I smell the shirt you left here to start my day off happy. I pretend you are here, in Halifax, but got up before me, and I am smelling the perfume you sprayed on your self that morning.