An enormous pine cone
you are the lucky recipients of my mid-afternoon diatribe about men who grow beards (note. this applies to one specific man. he's iranian and lives next door.)
so. i'm all just doing my work
generally being smart
or just seeming smart
either way. i'm a total big shot around here and am very busy
then my cell phone buzzes on my desk.
sir s. himself.
he's downstairs in the hot cafe filled with hot people drinking hot coffee
he just stopped by to say hello
he found an enormous pine cone today on his courier route. so you know.
that was exciting
he had bought me a tea.
which in my world is kind of like an engagement ring
side note. my crush on him had evaporated many weeks ago
mostly cause i got bored and he got a girlfriend
one last week
and now today
and what comes with the tea.
his beard. that is growing fuller and darker
i mean come on!
tea and a beard!
and a pine cone!
what the fuck am i supposed to do with that?!
i am just a girl
reading about love letters
sometimes writing them
then a beard grows and my celibacy remembers that it hates itself.
so i drink the tea.
i give him chocolate
and eat some myself
so i don't loose my jeans in the office.
we sip tea.
we eat chocolate
we talk about what he is doing on valentines with his gf.
it is, of course, lame. he had requested that she clean his bike as a gesture of love
i swoon. note. actual sarcasm here.
"hey baby...in order to celebrate our love would you clean my bike"
he might as well have requested a toilet bowl brush or some used dental floss.
we sit and sip tea.
a TED talk is screening in my office
some shiz about the planet being warm. but i'm not paying attention
cause i'm looking as his beard.
he offers his opinion of the talk,
"you know...it like doesn't even matter anyways. cause like the politicians...they are like ignorant or whatever...so like this is like whatever"
i say, "sam plays the part of the pessimist today"
he says, "no...it's just like you know whatever. nothing is changing"
i say, "finish your thought. you have not actually said anything. tell me what you think!"
he says, "whatever...i dunno"
i think, "is this what too much cocaine does to one's brain?"
we say goodbye
and i return to my desk...
at least that fucker got me to write something today...
plus i got a free tea
thanks for reading.
if you made it this far
you get one gold star and cupcake.
p.s. men who flaunt their beards are rude. no offense intended daniel's.